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Friday, November 1, 2013

Some Things Really Make Me Wonder

Recently, I have written about a certain situation between me and another person.  This person did something very hurtful but I was never angry.  Nevertheless, that person doesn't have much to do with me anymore.  Which is just as well because of some realizations that have come to me.  

I have not discussed this issue with my children as it has nothing to do with them.  And it's none of their business.  I have talked to my husband a little bit about it.  I also talked to a trusted (hopefully) friend about it because this situation has escalated to the point where it has upset a couple of other friends with whom I've developed very good relationships with lately.  It was nice to know that I have friends who really try to stand up for me.  

Interestingly enough, this friend knew who I was talking about without me even mentioning a name.  In a way, I felt validated.  To this day, I am still not angry at this other person.  I never was. Actually, it makes me very sad that this person continues with the behavior.  Apparently, this person also thinks I'm angry.  I say this because my son asked me a question today, out of the blue.  He asked me why I'm mad at (his friend)'s mom.  I had to ask Ben what he meant, to make sure that I didn't misunderstand him.  Sure enough, he thinks I'm mad at this particular person.  For the record, I do NOT discuss such personal matters with my children.  They don't even know about this blog, so they don't read it here. In fact, Ben isn't even an efficient enough reader to be able to understand anything I write on here.  With this particular situation with this person, I have not even discussed it in the presence of my children.  Which makes me believe that somebody said something to Ben.
I asked Ben who told him I was mad at this particular person.  I couldn't quite understand his response (he still struggles with a severe speech disorder). I explained to Ben that I was not mad at this person nor was I mad at anybody else.  I also explained to him that even really nice people aren't always very nice to certain others.  And that includes myself.  

I can't help but wonder what sort of lies and garbage my kids are being told when they're not in my presence at their church, especially by the children of certain people.  I especially can't help but wonder how Christians can be so vile toward each other.  In fact, I think Christians are worse about this than those who don't subscribe to Christianity.  This just adds to my internal tug-of-war with Christianity.  

Thankfully, I have those couple of very good friends at my kids' church and because of them, I continue to be encouraged to push forward contrary to what certain people would like to see of me.  I will also continue to be cordial to this particular person although I can't help but continue to be cautious.

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