Sunday, July 28, 2013
She Keeps Me Going
I'm pretty sure I would have given up the church thing years ago if it wasn't for my daughter. Jackie really enjoys going, though, and it makes her very sad when I don't go with her. Perhaps that's a good thing. I don't know. I'm glad that she gets something from going to church. It shows me that she is coming into her own theistic person and making her own decisions in regard to religion and faith issues. Jackie has also developed a couple of good friendships at her church. And everyone seems to be fond of her. That makes me happy. I hope that continues for her because I know very well what it's like to be "different" and lacking healthy relationships with other religious people. I'm glad that she has the support she needs there to continue her spiritual and religious growth.
I really, REALLY miss my church in Florida. It was a very large church but it didn't feel that way. I felt welcomed there. I felt accepted despite my differences. My home church called itself "The Fellowship of Encouragement" and it truly was. Most of the time, I left there feeling encouraged and uplifted. I actually looked forward to being around my "family". It was definitely home for me. Unfortunately, I have yet to experience all of that since moving here to Illinois.
As often as I want to just give up on it all, my daughter continues to be my guiding light. I don't want to be the one to shoot down her religious growth. I am so glad that there are others who have stepped up to encourage her growth as I am not adequate enough to do so. I am also very glad that Jackie has the support from others who love and care enough for her to help her along her religious journey. (Thank you to those who have been there for her). I can't help but wonder where I would be if I had had the same thing at her age and even now. It does make me feel good that despite my own shortcomings, others really seem to care about and love about my daughter.
So, even though I am happy for Jackie, I am more convinced than ever that it's all about numbers in today's churches. And that is one reason I refuse to sign a commitment for membership like Tim did. I refuse to to be just a number.