Yes, it is!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Family Update

This update is long overdue, I know.  I want to give a brief update to what has been going on  here during these last few months.  Some of my bloggy friends may remember this.  Things are still going well here in my family.  Hubby and I still have some work to do in regard to our marriage but I am pleased with the way things have been going here, for the most part. 
Before that debacle occurred, I was at a point in my marriage that I was seriously considering a separation.  I did not want to harm my children but I also did not want to subject them to some of the same stresses that I experienced as a child growing up in a somewhat volatile environment.  Thankfully, I was never physically harmed by T.  In fact, he had no clue how I was feeling although he knew something was going on by the emotional distance that had grown between us.  There were times that I did attempt to talk with Tim about how I was feeling but it only left both of us exasperated with the other.  I felt very much taken for granted.  I felt unprotected and as if T didn't care about my needs.  I felt that he cared only about his needs most of the time.  I was running myself ragged trying to care for my children's needs with very little help from T.  I pretty much felt like a single parent.  In fact, if there was conflict between my children and neighbor children, T would call me out to take care of it.  He just didn't want to deal with any of that.  And neither did I, really.  I felt abandoned and alone.  I would occasionally talk to a very good friend about all of this and even discuss leaving T.  My friend basically begged me to reconsider as she did not want my children to struggle like her own children have struggled with their blended family.  Lisa always brought me back to my senses whenever she shared her family's struggles.  And for that, I am so thankful. 
Speaking of Lisa, there is one thing that I am even more grateful about.  Recall that I left for a couple of days back in November.  At that time, I was just so fed up with all of the stress, no only within my own family, but the stress of dealing with the neighbor issue and another issue completely separate from these other stressors.  I desperately needed some space from it all.  During this time that I was away, Lisa took it upon herself to have a heart-to-heart talk with Tim about the way I had been feeling about everything lately.  Any other time, I would have been angry that my very good friend did this.  But this time, I was so thankful that Lisa cared for and loved us enough to help rescue my marriage.  She truly cares and I know it would pain her to see my children struggled in the same way her own children have struggled.   Come to find out, T was afraid that I was going to leave and take our children with me.  He was scared and ready for change. 
When I returned home, I agreed to a medical treatment to help me deal with those current stresses.  I soon felt relief and even felt like I was gaining more patience in dealing with my high maintenance children (and husband, well sometimes).  Thank God for happy pills. There, I admit it, I take happy pills now.  I was resistant at first but I'm so thankful for happy pills.  It has even helped some with my anxiety/panic disorder.  So, I am still on a low dose of happy pills and will probably continue for at least a few more months.   I realize there is a stigma associated with happy pills but at this point, I don't even care what people think. 
Now that T is finished with his MBA, life with T has improved even more.  He has been trying to spend more time with the kids and me.   He has even been able to help with a handful of the children's therapy appointments. 
We spent this past Christmas back home with family in Florida for the first time since moving here over 7 years ago.  It was such a nice time and T and I were even able to have a couple of date nights while the kids stayed with grandparents.  I really enjoyed our time together during that time. 
I am more optimistic about my marriage now.  T and I have discussed different options for change.  We've been working on some minor repairs and other stuff on our house to get it ready for sale.  I was hoping that by now we would be able to move closer to family but as of now, that is not an option with T's current job.  So, since we're "stuck" here in Illinois for awhile longer, we are hoping to buy a larger home with a 3-car garage for all of T's toys. 
I am excited about this year of change for our family.  Quality family time.  Possibly a new home.  Last week, we had a family movie night at home.  With all 4 of us together in one room watching on one TV!  It was such a good feeling to have my family together, even when Jackie kept complaining that the movie was too long.  (I think she just didn't like the movie).  Perhaps I'll let her pick out the movie next time (unless it's Dora or Barbie, blech).  I'm looking forward to family game nights in the near future.  I want so badly for my children to experience quality family time, unlike what I experienced as a child.  I'm looking forward to a closer family unit. 
I'm also considering resuming my graduate studies.  (That's for another post as there are some very special children who have recently inspired me thus reigniting my desire to work with special needs children).  So, as you can see, I am looking forward to many positive changes this year.
I realize this isn't as brief as I said it would be.  So, if you read all of this, bless you.  I'm just feeling encouraged about the positive changes that I am determined to see this year.
Oh, and Neighbor Girl, if you're still policing my blog, make sure you share with your parents, too.  Okay?  

1 comment:

Madre Minutes said...

Thank you for your transparency with all of us. May I recommend a good family movie called Childre and Their Birthdays or Seven Days in Utiopia. I will be praying for your marriage to continue to heal and grow. We have to remember that onlly God can meet our needs and He is our source. His ways are not our ways.
Kindest regards,