Yes, it is!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

I Hate CP!

This afternoon, I took my children and one of Jackie's friends to an event which honored our military.  It was an awesome event with lots of activities for everyone and lots of giveaways.  The food and cold drinks were even free.  Being my first time attending this event, I was very impressed by what was offered and even more impressed that it was not a very crowded event which resulted in very short lines for the bounce houses. 
After the kids and I walked around and enjoyed some of the activities, the kids wanted to play on the playground.  Everything was going fine and the kids were having fun. 
As most of my readers know, my beautiful daughter has mild Cerebral Palsy.  Although I get nervous sometimes when Jackie tries to climb on something that requires good body strength, I do not hold her back from at least trying.  This particular playground that we were on is very nice and has play equipment for all ages.  There is even a small rock-climbing wall. 
Jackie enjoys using the monkey bars although she always requires my help on this on.  So, when she called for me to help her this afternoon, I obliged as usual.  This is one piece of equipment that I am not yet ready for her to do independently as she just does not have the upper body strength to support herself.  Usually, I will either hold her low on the waist or right around her thigh area just below her buttocks.  She usually is able to keep her balance in those positions with no problem.  But today was an exception.  These monkey bars were a little higher than normal so I was holding Jackie right below her butt.  Just as Jackie got to the third bar, her weak left hand lost grip on the bar and for some reason, Jackie started to lose her balance which caused her to lose the grip on her very strong right hand. I tried to move my hands up quickly to get a grip on Jackie but I wasn't quick enough.  With my hands still on her thigh area, Jackie's body fell backward and she hit the back of her head on the mulch.  She hit hard enough that she had an instant headache around her forehead.  I was horrified and I felt like a terrible mom for not moving more quickly to save Jackie.  Of course, Jackie cried and cried and I nearly started crying myself but I knew I had to keep myself together in order to not scare Jackie.  After picking Jackie up and rubbing the back of her head, I made Jackie walk a few feet to rule out dizziness or worse yet, a brain injury.  Even though the mulch is not hard like gravel or blacktop, it is by no means soft as evidenced by the sickening thud that I heard when Jackie landed on her head.  I also asked Jackie questions just to keep her talking to make sure she wasn't slurring her words.  I am just so paranoid whenever Jackie hurts her head probably due to the fact that her CP was caused by a brain bleed during her newborn days.  I kept Jackie next to me for a few more minutes while we watched the other 2 kids playing.  Finally, Jackie said that she felt okay enough to play again even though she had a little headache.  I told Jackie to just limit her play on the slides or the climbing net.  She was fine with that until she wanted to do the rock-climbing wall.  I did allow her but I was helping her every step.  Jackie was wearing her new tennis shoes today which are a little bit big.  Also, her left foot is 2 sizes smaller than the right so she doesn't have as much support which causes her to lose her grip on that foot sometimes.  Because of this, Jackie was having a little more difficulty today with those new shoes.  Normally, this wouldn't be an issue when Jackie's orthotic still fit.  Thankfully, she has an appointment with her foot surgeon next month and Jackie will hopefully be fitted for a new insert or orthotic then.  Then her left shoes should fit better.  Watching Jackie struggle with that rock wall today broke my heart but she was so determined to make it work.  She is such a fighter and she is determined to be like all her peers.  Ben climbed the rock after Jackie and he had no difficulty whatsoever. 
I am very thankful that Jackie's CP is not worse than it is but it still hurts me when I do see Jackie struggle with certain activities, especially when her brother, who is 3 years younger, can fly right through that same activity with no problem.  That is when I hate CP the most.  I still cannot get today's image out of my mind and it makes me shudder that my baby could have been more seriously hurt.  I am still a little worried about hidden symptoms so I will be monitoring her more closely throughout the rest of today. I just feel like a terrible mom for letting it happen. 


Tammy said...

Hi. I found your blog through Bloggy Moms.
I also have a daughter who has mild cp. I can so relate to your post.
Take care. :)

Samantha said...

Tammy, thank you for your kind words. It is so nice to meet other moms with special needs children. I'm going to go look up your blog. Thank you for becoming a follower.