Yes, it is!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Crying Saga Continues... Again

Well, after a good streak of no-cry mornings before school, Jackie is back at it.  I don't know if it's related to yesterday's ordeal.  But even so, I have a very difficult time being compassionate when Jackie cries over trivial stuff.  Like this morning.
This morning started out fine.  I woke to Jackie laying on the floor of my bedroom, probably waiting for me to wake up.  As soon as she noticed I was awake, she wanted her breakfast.  I had her go change her clothes while I got her breakfast together.  Everything was fine until it was time to finish getting dressed for school.  Last night, we had together picked out an outfit which consisted of a cute sundress and shorts to wear underneath.  Jackie decided this morning that she did not want to wear that outfit and started to cry.  Well, it was 5 minutes before we needed to be at the bus stop and I told her she had no choice but to wear this outfit.  "I want to wear real clothes", she said.  Real clothes?!  Seriously?! Was she not already wearing real clothes?  Then she said that she wasn't going to church and those were church clothes. Whatever.  I had no clue that dresses were for church ONLY.  Well, too bad. There was no time to decide on a different outfit.  It takes Jackie a half hour to decide what she would like to wear and then dress into said outfit.  She is just a slow-moving child.  She pokes along.  So no, I was not giving in to her.  We had to go before she missed the bus.  So, like her usual crying self, the water works continued all the way to the bus stop and even as she got onto the bus.  Gee, those people at the bus stop are probably thinking that I beat the crap out of Jackie.  And I have difficulty being compassionate toward her during these episodes.  Ben, bless his heart, stepped in for me and as soon as he saw the bus coming around the corner, Ben ran up to his sister to give her a hug.  She pushed him away.  Ben was not accepting that and insisted on hugging his sister.  He was being so sweet.  I gently told Jackie to let her brother give her a hug before she got on the bus.  So she just stood there and let him embrace her.  She did not reciprocate but that's okay.  She got on the bus, red-eyed and slightly disheveled, and as the bus took off, she looked out the window at me so sadly.  Is my heart starting to harden?  Because I so did not feel guilt this time like I usually do?  Although, I do feel a little like mean mommy for not feeling guilt.  Argh, I can't win for losing.  Either I feel like mean mommy or guilty mommy.  
Now I'm off to another very busy day. Ben has speech therapy, then I have to move furniture so our carpets can be cleaned this afternoon.  Then off to another appointment, Jackie's soccer practice, then Zumba tonight.  I HAVE to go to Zumba as that will be the only time I have for exercise today.  No exercise = no happy Mum.  

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